Sep 03

Divorced , tips for finding a new love

Overcoming the bitter pill of divorce is a process that can be time consuming and pain, for concluding marriage means finishing a stage in life , which can cause symptoms such as depression, fear , resistance to privacy , among other sensations commonly called divorce syndrome , however , should not be an impediment to redo life.


Depression , one of several effects of divorce on health

Once the decision is made to divorce , the process can have different effects which may even impair health, depending on the situation and personality of each member of the relationship.

The divorced 20% suffer chronic diseases , including cancer, than people who never marry . Likewise, the percentage drops to just 12% for those who have remarried, says study published in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior, by researchers at the University of Chicago .

” Diseases such as diabetes and heart develop slowly over a considerable period and reveal the impact of past experiences , which is why health is undermined by divorce or widowhood , even when a person remarries ,” says Dr. Linda Waite , University of Chicago sociologist dela .

Also , the health of the divorced can be affected by divorce syndrome , which according to Sandra Kahn , American psychologist , is characterized by the following symptoms :

Depression and anxiety.
Sleep disturbance and eating habits.
Low self-esteem , so often obsessed by work or childcare , diet and exercise to offset the image they have of themselves.
Difficulty in social relationships .
Fear and resistance to privacy.
Suicidal thoughts .
Psychological paralysis (inability , despite the desire to re-establish a normal life ) .
Resistance to any positive change in the way you see life.
Refusal to take their new status , for fear of giving explanations or be questioned about the reasons for the separation .

It is noteworthy that most of these symptoms or self-destructive feelings are involuntary , usually associated with psychological and emotional exhaustion generally involving divorce. But , according to experts , while not having the willingness to leave behind this syndrome , it is impossible to have a new look on life.
After divorce , what next ?

Jim Smoke , pioneering specialist in the area of divorce recovery and author of How To Grow by divorce, the following points to get ahead, make you feel stronger and grow as a person through this experience:

Understand that time heals , take the you need, to step in this process will better understand the situation and where you are going .
Confront yourself and admit your feelings , lives every sensation without repress . No matter how frustrated , lonely, guilty , angry or hopeless you feel .

Set aside time for reflection , meditation , reading , thinking and personal growth. You can not change many situations around you, but you can always try to change yourself .
Interact with healthy people who are struggling to grow , letting the past die and living in the present.
Find professional help or therapy if you think you need it. Asking for help is a sign of strength , not weakness .
Accept the fact that you are divorced and now are single .
Be careful not to get involved in a ” lifeline” . In times of pain , we are vulnerable and some people take advantage of that. Be careful !
If your conviction come closer to religion for support and surround yourself with people who need to start again.

Also , according to specialists when you return to being single ( a) it is important to note the following in order to restore confidence and , why not, to feel ready for a new love :

Do not rush to immediately get involved in a relationship or with multiple partners, because you can get hurt. Many divorcees come to be attracted by all ( as) because they begin to rediscover how to seduce or flirt , but this only puts them at risk of further emotional blows for which are not yet ready .
Avoid isolating yourself , some divorced reject the idea of ​​a new relationship as a protection due to past experiences.
Do not take shelter in your children , avoid using them as an excuse not assume you as a bachelor again , as this makes the opportunity to rebuild your life . Without neglecting your responsibilities as a parent , you may consider the possibility of a new love.
Reflect on your past experiences and try to avoid repeating the same mistakes.
Choose you accept that person with full knowledge of your circumstances , capabilities and limitations to begin a new relationship based on respect.

It is also important that however painful divorce keep good health through healthy eating, exercise and sleep well , as it will improve the way you perceive your environment and allow you to look better. Beware !